It's weird, I read a blog from a teenager I know who felt that the best years of her life were behind her already. That made me incredibly sad.

I'm almost 44, and I am hoping that my best years are still to come.

I know there is more out there. I know I have lived a life half-awake, letting things happen to me. I don't want to do this anymore.

Some things have started to change. My soul-sucking job is a thing of the past, and I am almost 100% positive I will never be in that industry at that point. While unemployment is not ideal, I am trying to make a positive of it. I was so tired of doing what I did.

I want a career where I can help people. My schooling will go to making that dream come true. So, I feel in charge there. Hey, I'm getting an "A" so far, and as long as I don't tank the final I should finish with that "A". Winter quarter will be more challenging, I will have a full load instead of one class.

I've been in therapy, I still have had some old self-images and habits that needed to be dealt with. I am not totally "well" yet, but feeling a lot better. It doesn't seem that I will need meds or anything.

I'm exercising and eating better. The older I get, the slower the weight comes off, but I have determined this time that it is a lifetime change of how I approach things, not just a quick attempt to look a little better.

There is an old "80's" era movie where a character says "I would rather be alone for the right reasons than be with someone for the wrong reasons." If I am going to be with someone, I just wonder if it's too much to ask for respect, affection, and intimacy? But I also realize if the other person doesn't feel those things, then that's not the right relationship. And there is no fault there, people cannot help how they feel.